The worst day of my life was the day my father passed away. I had been ill at the time of the service. I was scared that I was gonna die too. I tried my best not to let myself down, wait for the best of tomorrow that might not come. I was in Hell alive!
However it was not the bad news that we were tested Negative, I was too weak to hold my body still. I had no strength at all to think back of the time or let my tears come out freely from my heart. The pain really pulse the time? I kept thinking of myself, am I all right, or I will be alright soon, or the fever will be gone soon. Actually the fever beat me for another ten days so far, so I decided to do meditation.
I know that the world doesn’t need me not one bit, but I found that I might be some sort of important person among the family when I was in the state of being sick. Imm…., not so bad! There goes my reason for living. But I knew that everyone around is better than me. I tried to say everything okay whoever asked me how I was or what I was eating today or whatever they needed to know. I did not want them to be worried about me. However I tried to hide my true feeling, my cousin near me knew that I was not in a good condition because of the fever. The short of the matter was, Sunlun Vipassana Meditation saved my life.
When I was in the state of recovery, I (actually) received the sad news of Sunlun Sayadaw U Wara’s passing in 29th August of 2021. The news surprised me, and really broke my heart again, because I know nothing about Sayadaw’s health. I could not go to Sayadaw’s Funeral because of the condition in our country. We paid respect to Sayadaw far away from Sunlun Monastery and shared the sad news with our heart.
No hope slowly grows and grows
I always keep thinking I am alright as long as I am breathing. I have waited so long everything will be normal again, but just a memory’s all I have still beat me all the time. Walking away from the old memories is not easy, it’s harder to live along with hard times for more. I tried my best to keep my mind at ease.
My twin brother Maung Yit, a producer, writer or cartoonist always urged me to do or to write something to refresh my mind into a new beginning. Thanks to him I spent my time and kept my mind busy on collecting all the articles about the Sunlun Vipassana Meditation I wrote in the blog. I discussed with him to publish those pieces into an ebook. So the ebook has now come out.
(‘The Adventure of My Practicing Sunlun Way of Vipassana Meditation’, Junior Win.
Cover by Maung Yit.)
Everyone said time heals everything. That might be true in some sorts of things. For me time always reminds me of all the old memories day by day. Some might be sweet, some sweeter. They will never be forgotten as long as I have the memory of an elephant.
(……. it was hard to look back, I am so afraid to look ahead…. 💔)